Don’t Go In The Water…The Third

August 13, 2012

It’s been a rough year.

February was supposed to mark the triumphant return of the blog…that didn’t happen.

Justin and Whitney left.

June and July saw temperatures of 1,000 degrees like every day.

A massive storm brought down like a million trees, damaging homes, closing roads and leaving us without power and hot water.

And now, it’s August. It’s time for some relaxation. In fact let’s all head to the beach, sink our toes into the golden sand and dive into the cool crisp water…

…Wait! WAIT!! What is that?!

Everybody! Out of the Water!! OUT OF THE WATER!

That’s right ladies and gents, it’s Shark Week!

A week of non-stop, high flying, face biting, air jumping, seal hunting…Sharks!

Why not get yourself a shark tank…which is the hip new way to say Frameless Shower. Yeah, yeah, just call up and say: “Yo! Gimme a shark tank!” If we “act” confused just play along. Oh and mirrors are now shark skins…okay that doesn’t work at all. And just so we’re clear, you can’t put sharks in the frameless shower and frameless showers aren’t aquariums, so if you try to fill it with water…BAM!! Instant flood.

Trust me on this one and why wouldn’t you trust me… Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the wholly moley…We are out of time folks.

Christian F.

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